When a loved one has Alzheimer’s, just about everything in daily life has the potential to become more emotionally charged for everyone involved. Having conversations about the death of someone they cared about can be particularly challenging. This is especially the case when your loved one cannot remember that the person in question is gone, and you may need to remind them of their loss on a regular basis.
Navigating this kind of circumstance is never easy. However, here are a few ways you can respond that might sometimes make breaking the news feel a bit less heartbreaking for you both.
Provide Context
If your loved one asks where their spouse is, for example, you can gently and briefly orient them to the reality of their death. “I’m sorry, Mom. Dad died of a heart attack five years ago.”
When you remind them of their loss, be open-minded about the response you may receive. There is a chance that they may express their grief or begin to cry. This is a normal response to a loss, even though they have probably responded this way a number of times before to the same news. The important thing to remember is that the grief they are feeling will not have a negative effect on their cognitive condition. You can simply respond to their emotion with the same kind of empathy you would have if they were feeling it for the first time.
On the other hand, don’t be surprised if they have a response that seems minimal to you. They may even say nothing. This does not mean that they don’t love or miss the person. It might just be the most they are capable of at the moment.
Help Them Reminisce
While it is normal to have a fear about these kinds of conversations, you can also take an opportunity to help your loved one reminisce about earlier parts of their life. Remind them of how kind the person was, or about special times they had together. Reminiscing can be a wonderful experience for people with dementia and can help bring unexpected memories to life in a way that brings them moments of fondness and joy.
Distraction May Sometimes Be Helpful
If your loved one becomes fixated on contacting a relative who has long since died, or if they seem set on purchasing expensive gifts for them, you may want to consider finding a way to distract them. Take them to experience a favorite activity or to visit another person they enjoy spending time with if you notice that they are having a difficult time processing the reality of a death.
Ultimately, the right response will depend on the current state of their dementia, as well as what you know works best for them. In some cases, it may simply be best for your loved one if you don’t tell them again that the person has died.
Having an elderly loved one with Alzheimer’s requires making a lot of difficult decisions on a regular basis. Speaking with an experienced elder law attorney in Tampa can provide you with some much-needed objectivity and clarity about how to look after the best interests of your loved one as well as yourself. If you have additional questions or you need assistance, please do not hesitate to reach out to our law firm by calling (813) 438-8503.